Saturday.

...and the papers are shit - it's all about rain...I'm sure we have had rain before, I'll check my diary.

I'm having a rich, rewarding weekend of social interaction - just like normal people. Today I'm meeting a mate in Bexhill at lunch time - then going to a lecture by Tom Dykhoff - I shall be sitting at the front with a sheepish smile and wearing my lucky pants - I need to practice my coy, one eye from under the fringe Princess Diana look - I believe it's quite effective. Then I may be meeting some people I only know via the internet who are at the same event. Tomorrow I'm in Brighton seeing old friends from Liverpool. A weekend, like wot normal people have - rather than monging out at home in front of a computer being bullied by the dogs.

I was up at six - I successfully avoided Children in Greed, although I saw something on the news channel involving the female newsreaders that should have ended with them being sectioned.

I was going to start moving all the less robust patio plants down from the garden to the Kitchen patio this weekend - it's too exposed up at the top - I have some more stuff to move up to the front. I spoke to my neighbour opposite about the 7 ft conifer I planted at the front of the house "oh...hasn't that always been there"? she said....

It occurred to me earlier today that xmas was just round the corner...I felt a sick, empty lump in my gut...mind you - when I was in Liverpool one year - I put a red lightbulb into the hall as my contribution to Xmas and had a lot of complaints from the neighbours...I might try that again.

Tonight...

...is Children in Need...I shall be watching this instead.

What the fuck???

I'm sticking to soap and water - this is fucking horrible...

It's raining.

It's going to rain all day today...tomorrow...and the next day. Not as bad as some places...

Isn't Cockermouth the best place name, ever!

The wisdom of Larkin...

..as if you needed any reminding, read all the way down to the end....

Sorry Tony...nothing personal - we just liked the other guy a bit more than you.

Harriet Harmon Ha! Ha! Ha!

I hope they throw the fucking book at her - she was my MP when I lived in Peckham and I had to deal with her via the residents committiee - she was a cunt.

"I'm Harriet Harmon - you know where to find me"

yeah, right - HMWP Bulldyke, with any luck.

For Fucks Sake...

Who buys this shit? Who bothers? I have seen people stand at displays like this and feverishly search for the most extreme, offensive and lurid titles - raped kids, abused children, horrible twisted monster parents???? It's just fucking pornography - It's against the law to have a photograph of a child on your computer in an abuse situation, so why isn't it illegal to posses this garbage - most of it isn't even true, I can imagine the editors calling the authors and trying to get them to jazz things up

"couldn't we shave a couple of years of your age and squeeze in a little aggressive buggery before junior school - any chance of a naughty vicar on the side"

Complete total fucking cuntery of the first order.

Overheard in Hastings.

In the Oxfam shop - an old and rather fragile woman was working the till, a middle aged deaf mute in a tweed jacket had chosen a large pile of books - the total was £7.00. By waving his arms around in a threatening manner - and writing her notes, he beat her down to £3. after he had gone she confessed that he always did that and she was a bit scared of him. I was 'this close' to punching him.

In WHSmiths, a very old woman in a raincoat and a bobble hat wandered over to the Euro Exchange, telling the old bloke with her that 'she had no idea where she was' - she struck up a conversation with the woman in the booth who made the mistake of asking how she was

"I'm all right, except for the pain, it's agony - every waking moment.
They cut me open, you know - ripped me apart - I'm just a guinea pig, I was better off before with a mouth full of rotten teeth"

I went to the cafe in Waterstones, Kelly Osbourne's autobiography is displayed in the Antiques section, the bloke running the cafe was training some young girls, he was very camp - as soon as I came to the counter he took one look and put on a very deep, very straight voice...I get that a lot - I don't really know what it means.